Sunday, 19 April 2015

Provocative dream 性的な夢 20150419 in English/in Japanese 日本語

Dreamed provocative dream. Was in Kichijoji (in Tokyo). Went to the store like a hair salon. One of the staff was Polish girl. I knew this girl before. And she was serving her customer but she approached to me and trying to do some treatment(?) she was wearing white nurse uniform with nurse cap. She held my hands and open the shoulder, her face were closer and closer to mine. The wall was behind me. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. It was like dancing pose. So I said “This is like dancing” no answer from her mouth.

She kissed me naturally. And it was so real. I felt a pleasure. A couple times. And she said “it works, it works for me” She may said this “so we have to see each other again” She went back to her customer who has been closing his eyes sitting in the chair. She acted like nothing happened. She keeps continuing her works and she completely ignored me in the shop. And I left my business card. I knew she was going to contact me. I went out. Went out in the maze of arcade. I was may be running. Few people in the arcade. Try to look for other two girls who is having an affair(they were in Kichijoji). And suddenly I realized about the girl who I love the most. And I felt so depressed. What am I doing? Why I am here. I felt lost. Couldn’t find the meaning of the life. Wondering around. Still running or walking where I grew up.

Next day on 2015/04/19  Prediction I don’t find this is so strong prediction.

I watched the youtube video>Utamaro: Yume to shiriseba
by mistake as I left playing other film on youtube and random film started playing
I realized and open the tab of the browser. Then it was provocative scene.
Later I was watching the tv program on youtube >
Takajin no sokomade itte iinnkai bimyo na mondai wo aete nitaku de iinnkai 3/22
They talked about
Politicians kiss / affair

性 的な夢をみる。吉祥寺に僕はいた。美容室のようなお店に入る。ポーランド女性の店員がいる。ぼくは彼女を知っているような気がした。彼女は誰か接客してい た。彼女は白い看護婦の加工をしていた。僕の方へやってきて手をつかんできた、体を広げて密着して、顔を僕のところへ近づけてきた。壁が後ろにあり、恥ず かしくてどうしたらいいかわからなかった。ダンスみたいな恰好だったので「ダンスしてるみたいだね」と彼女に言うが、なにも答えがかえってこない。

 自 然に僕にキスをしてきた。それは本当にリアリティーがあった。快感をかんじる。何度かキスをしてきた。彼女は「できてる。わたしにはいい感じだわ」(英語 で)「だからまた会うべきね」といったような気がする。そして彼女は何もなかったかのように目をつむっている客のところへもどる。 そのごお店では完全に 無視をされる。ぼくは自分の名刺をおいてたちさる。必ず彼女が連絡すると確信していた。迷路のようなアーケードへ。僕は走ったり歩いたりしていたような気 がする。ほかの2人の恋人のところへ急いだ(かれらは吉祥寺にいた)。突然自分の最愛の女性のことを思い出す。いったい僕はなにをしているのだろうか?  ひどい絶望感に襲われて、気力を失う。人生の意味をもうしなう。その気持ちのままただひたすらアーケードの角をまがりジグザクとあるいていった。
次の日2015/04/19 夢と関係することがおきる。(あいまいで強い予知ではないとおもう)

Youtubeのうたまろ Yume to shiriseba
20150322 たかじんのそこまで言って委員会 ビミョーな問題をあえて2択で委員会 3月22日

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Marlene Dumas-New friend who has different boyfriends and girlfriends. / マルレーネ・デュマス-違った彼氏彼女と付き合う新しい友人 in English/Japanese日本語 2015/04/13

 I went to Tate Modern for seeing Marlene Dumas today. 11am. Until 12pm I was waiting and reading for my new friend.

Her works are very interesting. I can feel her influence, some expressionism. She certainly has technique and she applies very well her emotion and her soul. It is interesting that she comments herself, “ I was born in South Africa and living in Holland and have Belgium passport(I thought she said Belgium,not Holland). Who am I? Sometimes I feel that I am not an artist at all.”

I have similar feeling and I don’t consider myself ‘Artist’. I just do things I want… do things someone asked me to do.
We finished seeing and came out from Tate. This new friend seems interesting girl and I felt comfortable to talk with. From Tate modern to temple station. We walked and we talked about sexuality. Somehow I talked about having different partners. I said something negative about it, then she said well I don’t think that is wrong because “I do”. I was like “really?”

I don’t know why I always come across to the people who have peculiar life style. She said she has a real boyfriend, but she have physical relationship with others. And she has a relationship with a hetero couple. And they are all open and they know about it. I found at the end she said they are hippie.  Oh ok, but as I always want to talk about my idea, I try to introduce my thought. So we were walking and talking about love and relationship besides the Thames. I asked her, “Do you feel jealous?”  “Of course we do, who doesn’t? “ “Have you had physical relationship with your boyfriend and another boy?” she was thinking and “Yeah, only once but that’s my ex. In fact that makes our relationship ended.” I was like there you go. She keeps saying that everybody is different and we have right to do things. And this is more natural and if everybody is happy, nothing wrong with that. We are like family and we like sharing. Physical relation is to share the love. I don’t just go out with someone on the street. I only do who can talk deep conversation. She also said, her boyfriend she can see the future. Others not. So I said “what is the point to go out with others, if you have the most?” “It is just different”

From then until we go to Singapore restaurant to finish eating. We just discuss? Talk. I try not to make her annoyed or being offensive. And luckily she was open to hear my opinion.

Once I thought it would be nice to have open relationship and having different wives and children, but I realise that this you can’t have deep love. We can have different deep relationship mentally, but not to have many physical relationship at the same time.  With my idea, that makes our spirit divided. Mentally connected means, just a friend. Friend but deep friend. Like family in a way.

We, if possible, must love your one partner fully. I just felt that her sexual desire is priority than giving love. I think physical relationship is important but only for the one you really love. It seems she is confused about love. I believe that love must be pure and if you try hard to be pure and enlightened, you will find the one. It is like abusing or excusing what she is doing. I am not talking about moral, society or rule, I do not care what they say. I just feel it is not right.

I said to her. You will feel more happiness and pleasure if you concentrate on one. People do affair and go to some provocative places. Porn. Many temptations. But I believe if you are defeated by theses temptation, you are weak and not stable to find what love is. Even if she and her friends think they are not harming each other. Eventually it harms others and themselves.

I hear her back ground and it was the same story with all other my friends who I have taken care of. Her parents were so strict and she was abusing her body when she was young. And surprisingly her mother said she must have bigger breast ( how can ??) so she had a complex about her body for a long time. In a way she wanted to feel confident about it so she had many different relationship.
 Body must be taken care of. Not to be abused. You can’t hang round and experiment with your body. That hurts your soul and you don’t see it. Body is the reflection of the soul. You don’t give your precious soul to someone you don’t really love.

Here is my thought.

You are ‘ONE’ so you can only love ‘ONE’. How can you love two or three if your body is not two or three?
It is simple. Which do you think you feel happier? Having different boyfriends and girlfriends and share love. You can have a relationship with as many as you want and no boundary about love. And your real boyfriend loves you the most, but also love others. And there is no certainness about 100% love. Or your boyfriend or girlfriend say to you “ I love you the most, care about you the most, from my heart, I cry that you exist, I want to share the time with you every moments every seconds, you are the goddess for me, I will do anything for you, I am not interested in any others. I would love to have beautiful children only with you. Even the universe disappear I will love you, even you die, even I die, our love will never last, it is infinite.”
This is certainly if both you feel the connection and certainness, but if you feel that connection, you don’t actually need to put some words. Words or actions are emphasize the love. To make them polished.

Society tells you what to do, be married in certain age, has to be like this and like that. Surely there is different culture and customs. Rules and morals. I don’t like to be controlled so much, but not to just confront it just sake of it. Even we don’t have rule or have rules we must find our own way of finding happiness. Love is the most important thing in our life. I feel that she is confused about family love and partners love. I believe having sex is a sort of big ban, so much energy involves. Make this thing less important can be dangerous. I can imagine that these people’s spirits are all connected and pulling each other like sticky rice cake. If they are 4 or 5 all together? Then I feel like they don’t have clear mind. Mind is melted into one. Who is who? Because I believe mind is the tunnel of body and spirit. How do they recognize each other? Her boyfriend is the shiniest and others are just like salad? You do not to have to have a sexual relationship to share the love. I believe we are design in a certain way. I just feel it. And to love ‘ONE’ is so strong.

Another simple question is ARE YOU really in love with these people? You feel that you are connected to soul to soul? You feel definite that anywhere she/he goes you are connected together. You feel the whole universe when you see each other and you cry with appreciation? Once you found the absolute love, you must feel it.

Also I’ve just found out. You cannot have physical relationship at the same time (as in a moment). Can you do it with 3 or 5. Can you?  Physically, mentally and spiritually. Your concentration is either yourself or another. Not others.

She seems she has taken my opinion. At one point, she was looking down and thinking deeply. I hope my opinion helps in a positive way. I know people are different and people have different opinions about various matters. Religion and cultures are the same. I am not forth them to change, but she was happened to be my friend why not giving my ideas to her as I think that will be healthier life for her and will be easier to find her own happiness.





ぼくはなぜだかいつもこのような変わった人間とはちあう。彼女には本当の彼氏がいるが、ほかの人とも肉体関係があるとのことだ。そしてヘテロのカップルとも3人の関係があると。彼らはみんなオープンで何も問題ないとのこと。後でわかったが彼女はヒッピーだそうだ。なるほど、僕は自分の意見を喋りたかったので、僕の考えを話した。テムズ川の横を愛や恋愛関係について語りながら歩いていく。 「ジェラシーは感じないの?」と僕が聞く。「もちろん。感じない人っているわけ?」「だれか別の男性とボーイフレンドと一緒に寝たことは?」と聞くと。少し考えて。「そういえばある。一回。そのあとやっぱり別れたけど。それが原因で」 それでぼくは、ほらそういうことがあるじゃないかと思った。彼女は「ひとそれぞれ」「この方が自然」「みんなが幸せならなにがいけない?」「私たちは家族みたいで愛をシェアしてる」「肉体関係は愛をシェアするため」「べつにわたし、見ず知らずの人としたりしないわよ」と連呼する。「ちゃんと深い話ができるひと。としか付き合わない」彼女はまた「わたしの彼しか未来がみえない。ほかの人は違う」と付け加える。そこでぼくは「じゃあほかの人と付き合う意味はいったいなんなのかな?」「ただ違うだけよ」と彼女は言う。

 私たちは、できれば、一人の恋人を満身で愛さなくてはいけない。 僕は彼女の話を聞くと、愛をあたえるよりも、性的な欲求のほうが優先されているように聞こえる。肉体的な関係は愛には重要だが、一人の人にたいしてのみだ。 彼女は愛について混乱しているようにみえる。 愛は純粋で、純粋で自分が悟るように努力して運命の人を探すものだと思う。 彼女は自分を虐待して、言い訳をしているようにみえる。道徳、社会、ルールについて述べてるわけじゃない。僕は間違っていることだと直感で感じる。



 単純に考えて、どちらが幸せに感じるだろうか?たくさんの恋人がいて、愛を共有する。たくさんの人と同時に恋愛ができる。その恋人はあなたを一番という、けれどほかの人とも恋愛ができる。そして100%の愛をあなたはいつまでも感じない。 もしくはあなたの恋人が「あなたを一番愛している。あなたを大切にしたい。心から。あなたが存在していることに涙する。あなたは私にとって神で、あなたが望むことをなんでもする。ほかの人なんて興味ない。あなたとだけの美しい子供たちを作りたい。世界が終ってもずっと愛していたい。あなたが死んでも私が死んでも私たちの愛は永遠です。


社会はこうしろと押し付ける、いつ結婚するべきか、このようにしろ、あのようにしろなど。もちろん違う文化、習慣、ルールや道徳がある。僕は必ずしもそれらにコントロールされるのは好きではない。けれどただそれがいやで反発するのはどうだろうか? ルールがなくても結局は自分の幸せをみつけなくてはいけない。愛は私たちの人生で最も重要なもの。彼女はもしかしたら家族の愛と恋人の愛をはき違えているのかもしれない。性行為はビッグバンと同じだと僕は考える。強烈なエネルギーが発せられる。それを重要視すぎるのも軽視すぎるのも危険があるとおもう。彼らの魂がいっしょになって、餅のようにくっついてて、ひっぱりあってるのが想像できる。4つ5つみんな一緒になって、では精神はどうなのか、溶けていっしょになってはっきりした意識が内容におもえる。だれがだれになるのだろうか?僕は精神は体と魂をつなげる通路だと思っている。どうやって彼らは相手を認識するのだろうか?彼女の本当の彼が光り輝きほかのひとはサラダみたいなものか。僕らはある一定のしくみでデザインされた。ただぼくはそう感じる。一人を愛するという思いは力強いものだと信じる。

 別の簡単な問いとして。あなたは本当に彼らを愛しているのだろうか?魂と魂で繋がっていると感じているのだろうか?彼、彼女とどこでも繋がっていると感じるだろうか?会ったときに宇宙全てを感じて、恋人の存在に涙するだろうか? 真の愛を見つけたときあなたは感じるだろう。



Monday, 6 April 2015

Dreaming the character of a computer game / コンピュータゲームのキャラクターになる夢を見る。2015/04/06

I don’t play computer game, but I dreamt about computer game. My black laser gun, was hit somewhere so no use.. and my friend (?) took me to the weapon shops, I had to go inside. Inside there was a concrete wall, about 2m high with curve. There was a shutter in the middle. 

My friend press the button or something he did… action… open half way so I have to crawl in. I thought this is for security reason. I entred smaller room, there is no customer but a few shop staff, they showed me the same weapon as mine. They asked me if I want to replace it or fixing it. If I given them this old one, I have to pay only 200(don’t know the currency here). I thought it was good deal, but my mind was abstract. I wanted to be cautious. 

They tried to use my gun with some computer simulation software. And one third of shot were going outside of aim, but I thought that should be fine. I asked other weapon. He/She said there is none.

5 min later, while I was considering, shop staff told me, there are more out there.

So I came out from small room and went to bigger size area, many were there. And in the window display, I saw a swords. I wanted to buy although it looked like cosplay sword… Can I fight with this? Not sure…

I had to go back to the city or somewhere. Walking the clay road… row of trees on the both left and right sides. Dark brown road, reminds me Delhi.

Dream finishes

コンピュータゲームはしない。けれどゲームの夢を見た。 自分の黒いレーザー銃がどこかにぶつかる。壊れたかと思い友達(?)につれられお店に。お店にはおおきなコンクリートの壁がある。2mくらいでおおきく ゆっくりとまがっていた。シャッターが中央にあり、友人がボタンをおしたか何かの操作で開けてくれた。半分しかあかなかったのでくぐらなくてはいけなかっ た。用心のためだな?と思う。

さらに誰もいなくてさらに小さい部屋にはいる。スタッフが2,3人いる。ぼくと同じ銃が飾ってある。修理に出すか、新しいも のと交換するかと尋ねられ、新しいものと交換すれば200(通貨は不明)でいいと。考えたがあたまのなかが夢でぼーっとしてたので、気をつけようと思い。 断った。ほかに武器はないか?ときくとないという。

しかし考えている間5分ほど過ぎて、スタッフがほかの武器が外にあると。小さい部屋をでると、10数人 の客がいて、剣がガラスのウィンドウに飾られていた。何個かあった。買いたいと思ったがみためがコスプレの道具みたいだった。これで戦えるのだろうか?